Just fell off a train. Bad.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
