tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
