So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
