It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
