What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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