Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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