I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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