i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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