I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
