yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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