dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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