Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
