My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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