Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
