just come out here and I will go home with you...
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
