and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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