Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
