there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
