Can i not drive my cunt home
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
