Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize