You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Couch. On fire.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
