i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I have aggressive nipples.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
