I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
My hand turned me down
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
This toilet bowl is my home.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
