In the future we'll all be gay
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
