i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
not ubering you a puppy
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
