Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
