your parents love me but you hate me
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
