Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
