Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
