At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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