So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
