Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
