i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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