either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
