I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
