please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
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