why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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