five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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