i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
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