possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
