Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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