Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
