very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
