He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
