Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I believe in your delicious
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
