Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
