is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize