I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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