i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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