yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
