Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
