I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
