Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
