It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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