Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
It was confusing and full of hummus
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
