New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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