Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
