So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
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