Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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