Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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