i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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