Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
