Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
