Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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