What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize