I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
